sad, sad, sad.

all i want to do is cry.
everyone here knows about how i was going to be in the school talent show, right? how hard i worked, what i missed to go to meetings.
all for nothing.
last night, as i was doing math, i got a call.
'is this Anna Sophia?'
"yes"
"I'm from the talent show.'
"yeah?"
"we had to cut you."
(in a soft voice. )"OK..."
click.
i started to cry. was it true? i had worked so hard for this, written a verse to the song i was singing to make it better, practiced for hours, giving up time. to be told the day before that i wasn't in it.
now i wish i had said something like this. " no. put me back in. i have worked to damn hard for this, spent to much energy. you cannot call the night before, less than 24 hours before and just say 'sorry, we cut you' no. you should have called me before i canceled other plans, before i spent hours learning and perfecting my song. before i missed dinner Wednesday to go to the last rehearsal. before i was up for 19 hours strait, because i had to go to a talent show meeting instead of napping before a baby sitting job.
before i spent hours deciding what to wear, how to do my hair, how to move as i sang. before i borrowed money from my brothers friend, who won't let me forget it, to pay for the bus ride home after one of the meetings. before i put my heart into this. before i spent those hours dreaming about being onstage, singing with all my soul, alone for the first time, with nothing of overshadow me. before the night before. so put me back.
i was at the rehearsals, we fit almost perfectly.
kick out the ones that missed all the meetings, the 'mandatory' meetings. cut the acts of those with 4 or 5 or 7 minutes, not people like me, with two. kick out those that were late to the practice, who didn't pay attention to the director. but put me back in. it is rude and cruel to call now, after all I've done. after all I've dreamed. and if you don't, I'm gonna sing anyway. you can't do this to me. not now."

these are the thoughts rushing through me now, pushing to me heard, shouting in my mind.
i cried for a long time last night.
it was all i could do to keep my self from ripping down the posters that i had so diligently posted, from the walls and bulletin boards of the school.
today, i told my friend, Tati, about it. one of the kids in my class, one of the rude, cruel kids in my Spanish class, over heard. within minutes, half the class was saying stuff like 'they kicked u out cause you ain't got no talent'. 'no talent.' 'no talent'. we had a sub that day. it got louder, the sub did nothing. they started to say the things with other insults, calling me bad names and words i won't repeat. it was to much. i got up and told the teacher. write me a pass to the library. i will not stay here. i am leaving, with or without that pass.
a minute later, Tati and i, passes in hand, were reading manga and Robin McKinley in the school library.
but i can't get the voices of them, of Gibreal and Rashad, or Greg (aka, G) and of Alonzo and James and the others, out of my head. they echo, 'no talent. no talent, B****, you have no talent, no talent'
i hate high school.
anyway, more later