update having nothing to do with politics.

so, whats up ppl?
ok, so. well, two weeks ago i was having a crappy week- and monday was also really crappy.
but then again, oh the magisty of november first and second?
my first ever play-where-i-had-more-than-2-lines.
on closing night this is what i wrote in my notebookof thing to blog-
"how can i describe this night? i feel like crying- but i'm smilling and laughing, and yet i'm sad and joyus all at once.
today was the second-and final- preformance of 'Dog-Ear'
although i never did blog about the stress it caused me, of the weekend i didn't sleep more than 6 hours total due to long rehersalse and a 26 page book report, i wanted to, but never had time. but, stars, it was worth it, every second of loss of sleep, every tear. i feel light as air, but sad that it's all over, i never want it to end!
the cast, the crew, everyone was wonderful. its all memories now, and in 50 years, my torn, crumpled script with the blue and salmon highlighted marks, and margian notes and glued in bits- might be worth something- the sript of 'Narrator' from Strangefellows Collective's first play. and my prophecy- the Narrator's prophecy that is,-'you'll regret this! you'll grow old, and die, and no one will remember you'- shouted to Ell and Ian- will never come to pass, because at least one person, at least i, will never forget. never forget my long speech, shouted ofver the tumalt of an ending 'gone wrong'. never forget the costumes- the trench coats and leather and bandannas and victorian blouses, never forget the group hugs, or the cookies. never forget the shadow puppet bunny eating carrots."
the play was great- and if you want to know the plot- email me.

yeah, moving on.
so, i'm an annoying brat sometimes- i don't mean it most of the time, but sometimes, i can be a real pain. i admit it!
anyway- a few weeks ago i was short with one of the girls in my drama class- she was yelling practicly in my ear while i was trying to listen to the teacher- and it gets old after 2 months- so..i told her to shut up.
i shouldn't have- i'm always jugde so diffently than others-
they can call me a B**** but the second i tell them to shut up, i'm a horrible person. why is high school such a hell? this was an elective class, for pity's sake- no one should be aloud to take it if they don't care! it just isn't right to the rest of us! now, if this was in an english class, i'd be mum now, because that can't be helped. but i guess this can't either.
it escilated on monday- to the point of the sub not caring and me fleeing the room in tears.
thing were said- names, insults, a barage- about 15 voices united- aganist me, saying things that should never be said- i won't repeat them. but i ran, and i ran- and locked myself in the bathroom and cried. two friends followed me, and i owe them so much. they mean so much to me.

pet peave time:
sometimes i need to cry, and i will- i can think of many example, but won't share them- but people will come up and ask why, and i'll explain. they will then try to get me to stop crying by: assuring me that 'it's ok' or that 'it's not as bad as i think'
lectuing me about why i shouldn't be crying
telling me to 'ignore the problem and it'll go away'( never mind that its not so much blank's presance but the memories it stirs)
telling me all the reasons i should be happy
one of 15 people might possibly hug me.
but only about one person out of all the many have ever understood- i don't want to be comforted, or lectured or instructed- i just need to cry, and cry, and cry.
check out this rather long poem-http://Gloryandsorrow.blogspot.com
it explains the feeling better than i can here.
so anyway, thats the past few weeks in a nutshell.
oh, lat thing: i created a new soundtrack of my life- i'll post the link later.
and i've had SOD writters block dispite the arivel of my muse-Rain
but i've got some Great Digimon fanfic ideas, so its not all bad.
join bookbats.
and now i'm done, peace.
anyway, more later